I’ve always said “It’s impossible to fall in love at first sight”. However now that I think back to a boy who my heart yearned for more than my lungs desired oxygen, I realise my unravelling all began with just one glance.
It had been an event, lots of people and lots of faces. I was new here, I didn’t know all that many people but I was trying to be normal and social. Then there was him, I didn’t pay much mind to the boy with the big mouth or at least I thought I didn’t. And yet I can clearly see his face that day, that big wide smile.
He’s one of those people who smiles not just with their mouth but their eyes, someone who just touches your heart with their genuine kindness. In that one glance I could never have known my undoing was at hand. So weeks later when he jogged up to me and started chatting, our first conversation, I had no knowledge that I was about to fall into a mad spiral.
On a perfectly average day as I walked along my way, listening to something or rather on my phone, his lips emerged in my mind. It was an inappropriate thought, something I had never thought about before and yet here it was. I waved it away in my mind, trying to focus on anything else. It occurs to me now just how unaware I was of the effect his smile had on me.
Throughout the time I was near to him I strived to try just a little to catch his eye, it was obvious to at least one of my friends that I was madly crushing on him. He had me captured and he never even knew it, he never knew that one of the many valentines he received was from me. Never knew that on my best nights, when I was dolled up and confident, that I had knocked on his door hoping to catch him and spill forth my secret confession. During our interactions I am almost certain he was blissfully unaware that I liked him so deeply, that I wanted nothing more than to make him smile.
I never did confess though, never caught him off guard. And in the end I was too afraid, for he meant and means so much to my heart that I could never tell him in case he left me. I after all would rather he fell in love and lived happily with someone else, and was still my friend, than that he was not my friend.
And as life stirs thoughts of him to my mind’s surface I can only think “Oh what power can be held in just one glance, one single and simple moment.”
– END –