Please take care of this bear

Paddington Bear and I

Dear Readers,

As you may be aware my nickname is bear, and I am currently in London. What you may not be aware of is that I love Paddington Bear, I have a Paddington rattle from when I was a baby but it isn’t great now I’m an adult… So I’ve wanted a new Paddington bear for years now. Anyway after the day I’ve had I’m glad to have a new Paddington Bear to keep me company.

So now you’re wandering what my day has been like… Or if not you’re going to hear about it anyway. However first lets start with yesterday, most of which was a pleasant train journey from Edinburgh to London. That was probably the best part of my day because once I reached London I felt my anxiety set in. 

My hotel hear in London is nice enough, its small but quaint but I’m three floors up and the stairs on my floor are super creaky. The walls are thin too so I can hear when people come up and when their tv is on loud volume. But that’s ok, what really got my anxiety kicked up was needing to go out to eat.

When you have anxiety and possibly a slew of other mental illnesses it is extremely daunting to think of going out for dinner by yourself. So as you can imagine I was not looking forward to leaving the hotel, unfortunately I didn’t want to shop for groceries either and so I was left to get up the nerve to go out. Eventually I went out, there was a little pub across the road called The Monkey Puzzle but see when I got there the kitchen wasn’t open yet so I had to return to my hotel again and wait an hour for the kitchen to be open. Returning to the pub at 6pm I ordered a glass of white wine and a pizza.

Now I could sit anywhere that wasn’t reserved, of course there weren’t any small tables available so I ended up by myself at a huge table with my wine. This is the point where if my life was a RomCom (romantic comedy) that a cute guy would ask to join me, thankfully my life isn’t a RomCom and nobody approached me. Now when the pizza arrived I had a whole different anxiety situation, see I always worry that people will think I eat funny or something (legitimately afraid of being judged for how I eat). Anyway I ate my pizza and drank my wine and when I was full I paid and scuddled out of there (with my anxiety I can now never face going back there).

So after that I had a lot of built up anxiety and homesickness, and a face time chat with my mother was just the right thing to send me into a cycle of crying. After talking with mum I did feel a little better but I still spent the evening crying into my pillow over how much I missed home. 

And that was yesterday, so when I woke up today I didn’t really feel like going out. I went down for breakfast and then lay in bed watching tv, after a while I decided I would go out and see some of the sites that were near me.

Well that was a big bust. I walked to the Alexander Fleming Laboratory Museum but couldn’t find the entrance, there was a sign which said entrance this way but after that there was construction work and after that the hospital, so I didn’t see that. Taking it in stride I went on to get some groceries at Tesco… That also failed as the Tesco I went to was closed for construction.

No problem, I needed to buy a Paddington and some souvenirs so I decided to try the Paddington Bear Shop at Paddington Station. Guess what, the Paddington Bear Shop is closed for relocation. Yep, another place I wanted to visit and couldn’t. So I went to WH Smith in Paddington Station and bought some gifts and then left the station to find a grocery store.

Along the way I found a souvenir store and bought myself a tiny Paddington, it took a while to decide on the one I got or a keyring one. With my new travel companion I went on to the grocery store and grabbed a bunch of snacks so I won’t need to go out again for dinner.  On the way back to my hotel I passed a nice garden square which was uplifting at least.

Back at my hotel there was more stress awaiting me, the cleaners hadn’t yet reached my room. I’d been out for an hour and they’d only just reached my floor. Entering my room I slowly waited for the knock on my door to tell me they wanted to clean my room. Lucky for me when they did knock I only needed them to change my bin and towel. 

And that brings us to now, with me writing this post and feeling extremely anxious about how tomorrow I’m going to try the London Tube system. So I guess what I want to say with this post and its title is for London to please take care of me just as it took care of Paddington Bear.

That’s all for now.


Sasha (Bear).


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